Fostering Love
Have I mentioned that some wonderful bloggers will be hosting various featured columns here yet?
Yes, yes I think I did. But in case you missed it the 1 or 200 times I’ve said it, by golly I’ll say it again. Wonderful bloggers, like Overwhelmed who will be sharing the hosting for Highlights. An adoptive mom who is now also a foster parent, Overwhelmed brings a truly unique perspective to BloggedIn-NN.
Enjoy her first post -
Being a Foster Parent Does Not Make Me A Saint
Oronzo and I have been foster parents for all of two months, since Baby Bug was delivered to us in the wee hours of the morning on 28 November.
During these past two months, we’ve had a lot of support from family and friends (in-person and on-line) and the encouragement has meant the world to us however, I must confess that I’ve been caught off guard and feeling a bit uncomfortable by comments that make Oronzo and I out to be saints for being foster parents.
One well-meaning friend’s comment stands out in my mind, “You’re so noble to be fostering this baby girl.”
A family member said, “It must be so hard to get attached and then have to give her back. I couldn’t do what you’re doing. ”
Let me assure you that Oronzo and I are not noble people and we’re certainly not the saints that some people try to make us out to be. We are ordinary people who actually became licensed foster parents for selfish reasons, so that we could adopt a second child. And anyone reading my blog consistently knows that it took me a good year to let go of my fears of fostering and take the plunge to get licensed. As might be expected, I have good days and bad days when it comes to fostering.
On the bad days, I have a tendency to dwell on the likelihood that Baby Bug will be returned to her parents, possibly in April. I feel down, I shed tears, I worry about what kind of life Baby Bug will have after she leaves us, I wish she could stay with us and become a part of our family forever, and I wonder how letting her go will affect our family emotionally.
On the good days, I’m able to focus on the positives of fostering this precious baby girl. I’ve had the opportunity to help a failure-to-thrive baby grow and flourish into a happy, healthy baby that is quick to smile and is beginning to laugh out loud. I’ve watched in amazement as her parents have done everything that the state has asked of them, with 100% compliancy. It’s clear that Baby Bug has a family who loves her and wants her back. I’m seeing the “system” actually work in the way it was intended to work and it feels good to be doing our part to allow that to happen. I’m even surprised that Oronzo and I are interacting with Baby Bug’s parents in ways we never expected to be comfortable with (sharing notes and pictures pertaining to Baby Bug, striking up conversations at court hearings and team meetings, getting an invite to walk through their apartment when dropping Baby Bug off for one of her supervised visits, etc.).
Not long ago two bloggers left comments that caught my attention and made me reflect on the benefits of sharing our foster care experiences with others.
abebech wrote:
Thanks so much for sharing about baby bug. Dh and I have been having long talks about fostering, in large part because of the way it’s working out for your family.
Happy Momma wrote:
Maybe the Lord is going to use your family and this experience with baby bug to shine light onto the Foster Parenting system. It far too often gets a negative wrap and yours may show others that not all of it is so negative.
It warms my heart to know that by sharing our personal experiences with foster care, a family such as abebech’s is talking about the possibility of one day becoming foster parents. I know fostering is not for everyone (for the longest time I didn’t think it was for me) and that’s okay, but if sharing our experiences helps a family to at least consider it, than I am happy to share.
And, until receiving Happy Momma’s comment, it honestly didn’t even cross my mind that the Lord might be using our family to shine a positive light on Foster Parents. I’m more than happy to be used by the Lord in this manner, but please don’t consider me a saint. Nothing could be further from the truth. I’m simply an ordinary woman who is taking it day by day and trying to do my very best for the children that come through our door, no matter how long they’re meant to stay. There are many others like me out there.
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