Tale bearing and ambulance chasing
I think every Christian would agree that gossip is a sin. The thing that causes us to stumble, however, is in considering what actually accounts for gossip. We all know that when we tell something false and negative about one person to another person, that’s gossip. It’s also lying. When we tell something true and negative about one person to another person, that’s also gossip. The line starts to get fuzzy for the Christian when we start sharing “prayer requests”. I have seen this more times than I care to recall. “Prayer ministries” are particularly susceptible to inadvertently wooing these back door “Christian” gossips.
Lord, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? Who shall dwell in thy holy hill? He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his heart. He that backbiteth not with his tongue, nor doeth evil to his neighbour, nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbour. Psalm 15: 1-3
Here is how the scenario usually plays out. Some bit of bad news comes across the wires as a prayer request. The gossip goes about the congregation trying to get all the sordid details so they will “know how to pray”. Then they feel the need to share the sordid details with anyone who will listen so they can “get more people praying” about the situation. It all looks so very holy, doesn’t it? What we have here are people who thrive on the misfortune of others. They take glee in tragedy. The must know every little detail of every bad situation. It’s exhilarating to them.
He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends. Proverbs 17:9
You don’t often see these people meeting the felt needs of those around them or the needs of their own families. They neglect the ministry of the family they’ve been given for the more salacious area of “ministry”, hearing and sharing the misfortunes of others.
The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly. Proverbs 18:8
There was a terrible car accident in our area a week ago that killed four teenagers. This particular sin became so evident to me as I heard “Christians” vying for every piece of information they could gather and share about the circumstances involved in the accident. In the face of such a devastating tragedy the only thing that needs to be known is that there are families facing unimaginable grief and they need prayer for the Lord’s comfort as they walk the hardest road a parent is ever asked to walk. The end. It made me ill to see people tickled pink to find out this detail or that detail and share it with everyone they met.
A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends. Proverbs 16:28
This is a high soap box I am on but let me say that we are all given to gossip by our sin natures. No one is immune. When I find out this or that about someone, especially when I’m sharing a prayer request, I always ask myself if I’ve been given permission to share the information and/or would I share this information if the person I am talking about were standing right next to me. That is a great litmus test for gossip! If you would not share something about someone if they could hear you talk, then you may be crossing that gray line from care and concern to gossip!
And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not. I Timothy 5:13
May we always guard our hearts and our tongues that our thoughts and our speech would be pleasing to a holy God! And, may we not be found wandering but within our own house with busy hands and quiet tongues.
Those tongues! They sure can cause us a lot of trouble, can’t they?
I have struggled, too, with exactly what crosses the line into gossip, especially considering that the apostle Paul spoke of other people’s sins and even named names. Even then he was discreet about the details and only shared what needed to be known either so it could be dealt with or so people would be warned. But I like your analogy about not saying anything you wouldn’t say if the person if the person involved was right there listening.
I have another good ‘rule of thumb’ that a Bible study teacher told me once. If you’re not part of the problem or part of the solution, you have no business talking about it. That works pretty well!