The Bully and the Bear
My three year old son is a gentle soul, a bit on the timid side at times. Will this make him susceptible to being bullied once he begins school? What happens if he is actually the one that is doing the bullying (it is possible)? How will I attempt to handle either of these scenarios?
Christine over at Serenity How? addresses her family’s personal experiences with the issue of bullying. Her post provides an honest insight on this charged topic. Take a look!
One of the hardest lessons I learned growing up was this: Not everyone in the world is going to like me. How devastating. Shocking even, but true. It didn’t matter how nice I behaved or how hard I tried. It was what it was. I can’t remember when it happened or exactly how it got through my thick skull, but I think it was probably sometime in junior high.
Unfortunately, my youngest child is being forced to learn it in first grade because another girl at school has been bullying her - a girl twice Sissy’s size. I found out right before Easter break, and now that the kids are back in school I’ve been dealing with it.
I was so thankful for the much needed break, since every parent knows that when you mess with the cub, you mess with the Mama Bear. This Mama Bear has been MAD. I’d rather be in control. Sissy and I have talked about it and she doesn’t understand why the other girl has been so mean. Bless Sissy’s little heart, because she’s been praying for this girl. Mama Bear has been humbled and feeling sad.
Oh, I’m sad for my daughter and I fully intend to protect her. Believe you me. But I also feel sad for the bully. I wonder what’s made her feel so ugly and angry. Most of all, I feel sad for the bully’s mother. See, I’ve been on the other side of this as well with my Miss Boo.
It didn’t start out that way, but last year Miss Boo came home saying a boy at school was teasing her and calling her names. When she told me who it was I thought it was strange. I knew him and his mom. He just wasn’t the kind of kid who would go around picking on girls. I mentioned it the next time I saw his mother and what she told me really caught me off guard. As it turned out, Miss Boo and two of her little friends had been the ones doing the teasing. It was silly stuff, really, but I needed to put a stop to it.
When I told Miss Boo she was a bully she was shocked and indignant. Not because I was on to her, but because I had called her a bully. She never saw it that way since she wasn’t physically hurting anyone. I had to set her straight on that and gave her the choice of apologizing in person or writing a note. She chose the note. Because she thinks boys are the ickiest creatures on earth it was torture for her to write (and I have to admit I kind of enjoyed that.)
I made her write something like this:
Dear (name of Poor Icky Boy),
I am sorry I was mean and called you names. I was a bully. I will never do it again. I think you are a nice person. (She fought me over that line. I won.) Please forgive me.
Miss Boo
I also talked with the other girls’ moms, who made them write similar notes. We’ve never had a problem since. Now, I realize my daughter wasn’t physically hurting another child and I don’t want to make light of what the bully at school is doing to my Sissy. I just have a bit of perspective and compassion for the mother on the other side of this problem. I don’t know her well, but she’s always been nice to me. I hope she continues to be nice because we’ll be talking this afternoon.
Either way, the bullying is going to stop.
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