Romans 15:13 “So I pray that God, who gives you hope, will keep you happy and full of peace as you believe in him. May you overflow with hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Are you happy? Do you know what happiness looks like and what it is you have the right to pursue? Happiness, or at least the pursuit of it, is a virtue woven into our culture and expressed specifically in our nation’s Declaration of Independence. I’ve had people tell me they were getting divorced because they were no longer happy in their marriage. Research shows that, in most cases, they won’t be happier. In fact, divorce is often as traumatic as losing a spouse to death. One study reveals that it takes up to 8 years for that person to return to their previous level of well-being before losing that spouse.

I recently had the privilege of hearing a message by J. P. Moreland, author of the new book, The Lost Virtue of Happiness. He believes many of us are miserable because we have an inaccurate definition of happiness. Most Americans believe, as is reflected in the definition of a recent dictionary, that happiness is “a sense of pleasurable satisfaction.” J.P. uncovers the big problem with our modern mistaken view of happiness – that it is a radical departure from the definition throughout history.

According to Moreland, from Moses to Jesus, from Plato to as recent as the founding fathers of this nation, all espoused the same definition of happiness. In essence, happiness was “a life well lived, a life of virtue and character, a life that manifests wisdom, kindness, and goodness.” In our pursuit of happiness it is imperative that we are chasing the right idea. To pursue happiness as “pleasurable satisfaction” will only lead to self-centered, fleeting goals for feeling good. On the other hand, pursuing the ancient definition of “virtue and character” not only brings true happiness but also a stable, purposeful life.

In your pursuit of happiness, let me give you some principles I believe will help you find the real thing.

1. Develop an attitude of gratitude.
Remember that little song – “Count your blessings name them one by one. Count your many blessings see what God has done.” Gratitude is a mindset, a way of thinking. If a person has the attitude that they have what they deserve or what they have earned then they will likely not be grateful. If, however, they see everything they have as a gift from God thankfulness becomes their prevailing attitude. Developing a grateful heart begins with the habit of recounting what blessings you have and, more importantly, who has been a blessing to you. Become intentional about writing down (in a journal) or verbalizing what you are thankful for. Write a letter to a parent, friend, pastor or teacher that has blessed you in some meaningful way. Thank them for their investment into your life. Research has shown that people who do this kind of gratitude exercise just once “are measurably happier and less depressed a month later.” Just think what a well-trained attitude of gratitude will produce!

2. Learn to forgive.
Forgiveness and thankfulness are intimately connected. The same humility that promotes gratitude supports forgiveness. To illustrate my thinking read Luke 7:36-50. Here a Pharisee named Simon is offended that Jesus would allow a sinful woman to anoint his feet with tears, perfume and kisses. Jesus proceeded to correct Simon by revealing how her brokenness and gratitude expressed her deep love resulting in profound forgiveness! Psalm 32:2 proclaims that “happy is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him.” I can think of nothing that promotes happiness more than forgiving and being forgiven.

3. Strive to be “other-centered.”
Invest time and energy in family and friends. The modern understanding of happiness seems to be completely consumed with self-indulgent pleasure seeking. Not only is this thinking diametrically opposed to Scripture, it is also out of sync with the wisdom of the ages. The time-honored concept of happiness appreciates that making others happy produces even greater happiness in the giver! One modern “happiness researcher” has concluded that happiness is strongly tied to interpersonal virtues like kindness, gratitude and capacity for love. A recent TIME magazine poll revealed the top four answers to the question “What one thing in your life has brought you the greatest happiness?” They were Children/grandchildren, Family, God/faith/religion, and Spouse.

4. Savor the moment.
Biblical happiness appears to me to be inextricably tied to a humble contentedness and dependence on God. Jesus teaching in Matthew 5 known as the beatitudes beautifully defines true happiness. The Greek word makarios is actually better translated “happy” than the word “blessed” found in many versions. Qualities like humility, meekness, goodness, kindness and mercy are a sampling of what Jesus said will make a person happy. Only people who, like Jesus, have learned to live in the moment will enjoy the enduring benefits of true happiness.

Smell the roses. Enjoy the view. Regularly perform spontaneous acts of kindness.

I will close with a quote I presented in the “Relationship Quotes” section of last month’s iRelate newsletter. J.P. Moreland explains, “Real life does not come naturally. It is counterintuitive. It is a skill we have to learn. That’s because the way to real life is not something we get, but something we give.”
The ancient Greek philosophers and our American forefathers understood this, but modern Americans seem to have forgotten it. We’ve forgotten that we obtain happiness by living out the paradox Christ lays before us in Matthew 16:25: “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.”

What that tells me is that happiness should never be our goal though it will likely be the culmination of right living and other-centered loving. True happiness thrives when we acknowledge that our lives are not our own and when we practice the spiritual disciplines that lead us closer to Christ—the source of our true happiness.

Categories: Real Treasure
Tags: happiness, relationships