Our family has expanded rather rapidly these past few months! My husband and I went from having an only child, a darling little boy, to adding two beautiful little foster daughters within three month’s time.

Caring for three children, three and under, has been challenging and just a bit stressful at times. Unfortunately, the chaotic atmosphere in our household has caused me to at times speak more sharply and impatiently with my husband, rather than communicating in a positive and gentle way that I would’ve rather liked to.

Last week I came across an excellent post from Gibee at Kisses of Sunshine. Her post reminded me that our marriage would be better served if I can stop, take a deep breath, and be more gentle with my spouse.

Please take a moment to read Gibee’s post and take her words to heart.

Be Gentle…With Your Spouse

I’m not even going to pretend that I’m an expert. In fact, I have so much room to grow in this area, it isn’t even funny. I am, however, going to encourage you to finish off the week by speaking gently to your spouse.

I honestly feel that one of the most common problems in marriages (please note I said “one of”), mine included, is communication. We’re often frantically rushing around, shuttling kids around, working full time, gliding in and out of the house at all hours of the day, multi-tasking chores, homework, dinner, dishes … that we rarely find time to sit down with each other and fully and lovingly communicate what is on our hearts and minds. Because of this craziness, I believe that we tend to speak to our spouses more gruffly, hurriedly, and lacking in gentleness than what we may have intended to. In my own home, I’ve noticed that many conflicts within our relationship tend to be “further intensified” by our lack of gentleness in innocent responses.

It doesn’t matter how deteriorated your marriage may be at this point … if you are Christian, there is NO PLACE in your relationship for being mean, bad-tempered, angry, quarrelsome, or harsh. Especially if you feel your spouse is being that way … two wrongs do NOT make a right! I have a friend who is very gruff with her husband and often calls him “butt head” or “stupid.” I cringe every time I hear that. It is cruel, and it is demeaning. But after 20-some years of marriage, it has become accetable. WHAT? Never. Ever. should that be acceptable. It is not encouraging, uplifting, or gentle!

Instead, try to be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving, kind, calm, gracious and gentle. Not only will it keep the lines of communication open, but it will encourage your spouse, leave them feeling valued, and over time, encourage change and growth in both of you. My mom and dad always said… soft, kind and gentle words will always pour cold water on the burning coals of a stirred-up discussion or heart, but harsh words only add fuel to the fire. In fact … it’s Biblical!

So if you have a great relationship with your spouse… Praise God! Continue being gentle to each other. If you are at a point in your relationship where you are struggling with each other, try changing tactics a bit and throw in some kindness. I’m not guaranteeing that your relationship will magically become perfect, but it will go a long way to break down walls that have been built.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1

Categories: Highlights
Tags: communication, gentleness, Highlights, marriage